A Wanted Man
by Morbubble
Summary: A short little ridiculous oneshot from the point of view of an unsung hero - The compass. The compass doesn't have a north...does it? And if it doesn't, why is it always pointing to Captain Jack? Really pretty silly...


**A/N; This weird little oneshot popped into my head some time ago, and at the time I found it funny so I wrote it down…dunno if it actually is though ^^; If you take the time to read this, it would be most appreciated if you tell me what you thought. Anyway, carry on!**

**Disclaimer; The characters all belong to Disney, I own nothing but the idea and I'm not making any money. **

If the compass had a north, it thought woodenly, it would be Jack Sparrow. It seemed, in the compass' informed point of view, that its needle was almost always pointing to _that man_. That man with the dark hair and eyes, the odd mannerisms and the bizarre speech patterns. In fact, the compass mused, the man was, put bluntly, quite, quite insane.

It was odd, the compass thought as it was tossed repeatedly between pirates, that everyone who held it pretended to either hate Jack or only want him because he had something they wanted. The Golden Girl, Ponytail Boy, Squid Face, White Wig, Whiskers…they all wanted Captain. The compass didn't tend to listen when they spoke their names. After all, it's not like they ever introduced themselves to the compass and really, what use did a strangely magical wooden box have with names? It knew Captain's name, of course. It had hung on his belt for many years and had to listen to "Who am I? I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" many times. Not that it really minded, of course. But then, a compass doesn't really form an opinion on much anyway and it's not like it could protest.

Although, the compass reasoned –and sighed, had it been able to- it would quite like to protest at the number of times it was being manhandled as of late. It didn't object to being used by Captain, but that was because Captain was Captain, and Captain seemed to understand what it was like to be an inanimate object. Or rather, he talked to enough of them at least, that the compass was more likely to get a look in. But everyone else just tried to deny what the compass told them.

The compass huffed silently as it sat on the charts in the cabin, Captain staring at it and muttering. Everyone seemed to blame the compass for whatever happened; the compass lied they said, it didn't work, it was broken. My needle works just fine, thank you very much, sulked the compass. It was just the humans who didn't believe it.

Take Golden Girl for example. When she held the compass she only glared at it and snapped it shut, because it pointed to Captain instead of Ponytail Boy who she insisted it should point to. That's all very well thought the compass, but it could see inside people's hearts. It knew what it was spinning about. And I don't appreciate being looked at so sullenly and abused, if you don't mind, it would think to itself. Ponytail Boy maintained that he only wanted the Black Pearl, it had nothing to do with its captain, nothing at all. The compass wasn't entirely sure what to make of Ponytail Boy; he held the compass and it spun to Captain and Golden Girl in equal measures. Make up your bloody mind, the compass would grumble as its needle twirled constantly. Squid Face was always going on about some debt or other; the compass hadn't been in that particular fish-faced pirate's presence for very long, but long enough that it had begun rolling its proverbial eye at the mere mention of the word 'debt'. White Wig, for all his pompous talk and contemptuous glances at Captain, harboured something other than hate in his heart for the Captain. Compass didn't like White Wig though; Captain had been branded because of him, and the compass was highly protective of its Captain. And Whiskers had said something about an insult, a score that needed settled. In fact, thought the compass, Whiskers was probably the only one who wanted Captain for the reason he claimed. Whiskers had never actually held the compass, but it knew these things. It could tell, you see.

The compass was fairly sure that Captain was, for the most part, unaware of the effect he had on his fellow pirates. Certainly, he liked to swagger and boast, specifically about how desirable he was. So he probably had Golden Girl figured out. And he knew how badly Squid Face wanted to settle their debt – heck, anyone in the fish's company for more than a few minutes knew all about that – but he was quite oblivious of the rest. The compass, of course, couldn't tell him; not having a mouth made that rather difficult. And so the compass simply sulked as Captain tapped it repeatedly, muttering something about "…bloody rum, 's all gone…" and blinking at the charts in front of him. The compass wondered what Captain would do if he knew what the others really thought of him. Most likely use it to his advantage, breaking all their hearts in the process but in such a way they'd want him even more, the bloody pirate. Captain was like that, the compass thought fondly. He'd make you want to hate him, but he'd make that blasted needle point straight at him too.

And as the aforementioned Captain stood up unsteadily and sauntered from the room, walking into a cabinet who only tutted at the man's retreating back before shaking its wooden head –sorry, drawers- at the compass in amusement, probably in search of rum, the compass' needle stealthily followed him, as did the metaphorical eyes of every inanimate object in his room.

Oh yes, thought the compass. Captain Jack Sparrow was a wanted man indeed.

**A/N; So um yeah…hopefully that wasn't too painful on your eyes :L **

**And I have no idea where the idea to make all his furniture…well, alive, came from. It just kind of hit me :/**


End file.
